I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
