i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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