My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
