my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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