He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
