So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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