So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
