Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
