the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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