she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
