I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
