Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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