yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
