i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
