Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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