I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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