i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize