I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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