You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
