Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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