Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
