if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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