got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
whose parrot is this?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
