Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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