I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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