I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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