Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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