We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
