I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
