they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
im having a threesome with these popsicles
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
