THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
