I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Randomize
