Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
