I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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