.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
