im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
