Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
