Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
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