last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
they're like a gay fantastic four
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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