I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
