I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
