Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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