Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
