A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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