We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
