I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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