I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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