I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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