I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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