would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
