You surviving the open bar?
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Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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