one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
