My brain says no but my pants say off.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
