I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Randomize
