I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
