i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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