oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
