meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
The beers last night were like the tears from god
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
