i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
