I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
